i did this for some fun, so enjoy XD
Everyone deserves a roast at least once,
so raise your dead hand and salute my speech
Because you never did have a sense of humour at all;
You looked like a God and flaunted it like hell
Your ass was as tight as glue and your tongue was forked
We'd try to help you but you'd never take it,
convinced that being stubborn was the way to go.
You bitched and whined
you never took your medicine
regardless of the fact that your guilt stood out like a sore thumb.
We all wondered when you'd apologize
for the very first, and probably last time.
You took and took but never gave, not even a penny
to the poor. But who cares, they weren't people to you anyway.
If you'd have ever had kids, you would have needed an extra bed
for the social insurance worker permanently residing in your house.
On your first date, you dumped a poor kid
because well, he only bought 5th row seats for the opera show.
You were nothing but a manipulating, self-centred
self-serving, overconfident, egocentric, stubborn ass
who refused to wear a pair of heels worth less than two-hundred dollars
on any given day.
I remember when that commercial claimed
“If a man loves you, he'd buy you a diamond.” and you, being you,
were shocked: “That's it? Just a diamond? Pathetic.”
But the worst you did was sleeping with the Boss' son for three months
every Sunday in the Confession room at his family church, just to get ahead
because you figured a promotion had long been on your list of needs.
If there was one thing that had made you angrier than usual,
it's when you walked home one day, claiming “life's a bitch and then you die”
and I turned to you and said “life's a bitch and then I married one.”
But like I said, everyone deserves a roast at least once,
and for all of your faults and immaturity
I have loved you for sixty two years and that now-empty side of the bed
reminds me so much of how you treated life;
Don't stop until you drop, because time vanishes before your eyes.
Margerie Hellen Rosedale,
you were the best and worst of my life.
I will miss you like no other.